Just Wear the Dang Mask

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Why am I writing about face coverings on a political blog even though these things shouldn’t be political?

Because that’s what we do. We politicize the dumbest things. It’s as American as apple pie and baseball. And while I’m desperate for sports, I’m not quite desperate enough to watch baseball just yet. But guess what? They’re wearing masks on the diamond.

Yesterday I went to the grocery store to replenish my produce after returning from vacation. In Virginia, Gov. [Dr.] Ralph Northam (I need to point out now that there is just ONE medical doctor serving as governor in the entire country) mandated face coverings. So far, I haven’t heard of any shenanigans happening in my town, and I have seen everyone wear a mask.

Until yesterday.

As I was leaving, two bros (you imagined them correctly, younger white men in cargo shorts) walked in sans masks. I live in an area heavily populated by seniors and I typically bring the median age way down in any given place at any given time. These bros bypassed the big sign on the doors that told them masks were required and proceeded to go grab whatever it was they were apparently so desperate to get. I don’t want to speculate but I suspect it contained alcohol.

I didn’t stick around to find out, because I was not in the mood for a confrontation after having already been through a couple over the last week that had nothing to do with COVID-19. I was tired. But I wish I had, I wish I had told them to “mask up,” because the masks had nothing to do with them getting it and everything to do with them not spreading it to the older folks who were getting their medications.

Wear the dang mask.

It’s the EASIEST thing you can do aside from staying on your couch in your air conditioning (Virginia in the summer is the WORST) and watching The Real Housewives of XYZ (guilty!). If you can’t breathe while wearing a piece of cloth over your nose and mouth for a few minutes, then I encourage you to see your doctor for a diagnosis of Punk Ass Bitchness.

My three-year-old nephews are SUPERSTARS at wearing their masks, and they are adorable little masks, too. These little boys (who I think are the smartest 3yos on the planet, don’t @ me) knew when they needed to put them on and wore them WITHOUT COMPLAINING for long stretches of time.

Let me repeat that.

Three year olds. Not complaining. Have you ever heard of such a thing?

So when you, a grown ass adult, complain you “can’t breathe” when you’re asked to wear a piece of cloth over your face for five minutes to get your boozy seltzer? Imagine how stupid you look.

Just wear the dang mask. Since you only care about yourself anyway, think of it as you’re saving a life every time you wear it.

There, is your ego happy now?

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